I'M A WOMAN AND HATE DEALING WITH CRAZY BITCHES!
There, I said it! I so wanted to be that woman of the Gloria Steinem brigade through and through, but alas I cannot, and I must sound the alarm out of pure frustration with my own sex, and even myself sometimes. I definitely believe women have, and continuously bring, higher levels of work capabilities to the job than most men, and are an asset to any job. However, the problem lies in their inability to JUST DO THE JOB. The personal drama, the mood swings, passive aggressiveness, and the manipulation that is let loose on the job has got to be put in check. The fact of the matter is that more and more I am seeing women do too many things that sabotage their credibility, and by default, other women around them, not to mention tear at the bridge that was forged so diligently by focused and brazen women before us.
This is not to say that men don’t have their own annoying traits that make dealing with them quite a chore. There is the overly aggressive, slightly chauvinistic type-A personality that can just light you on fire the minute you disagree. Or there is the “hands on” perv that can turn your stomach with just a whiff of his cologne. So yes, in all fairness both sexes can cause you to have a twisted day in various ways. What makes women more difficult to deal with is the extent to which they bring their psychological drama, their psychosis, to the forefront. This is going beyond the known census that women are tougher on other women in the work force, because they know how much a woman can take. I’m talking about pure psychological ailments that are a detriment to the work environment, and inevitably hinder work performance, and customer relations.
Take the personal drama that can be brought into work such as the boyfriend who appears to be cheating. All would be fine if it were briefly brought up, condolences spoken by all nearby women and men, and then all moved on in their daily duties--but that is not what happens. What does happen is that a whole day is devoted to conducting a mock trial where all evidence is submitted with a "Murder She Wrote" flair. The day comes to an end in tears and the resolution to leave the bastard; only to discover the next day she missed a crucial piece of evidence, his alibi, and that it was all her fault. She will never doubt him again….until the following weekend occurs and yet another problem with the boyfriend ensues. Yes, a whole day, maybe even several, can be wrapped around this saga.
Then there are the mood swings. The out of nowhere responses to a simple inquiry that somehow was perceived as said in a harsh manner, or wrongly brought up at all since the woman in question is so “perfect” at all she does. I know everyone has experienced that moment of feeling like Sybil just entered the room, and you have to make quick decisions to diffuse the situation. It can be even worse when you are a woman and attempting to climb the Sybil volcano of the office. If you are approaching a woman of Sybil-ism, you can’t just ask something in a straightforward business tone to be quick and get on with things. You have to make sure you speak in the “female,” higher-pitched, sweet tone; otherwise out of no where your Sybil will ask why you are mad at her, or what is wrong to warrant you to yell at her in such a manner. Literally, because you didn’t speak in an expected “female” way, you are now considered an angry bitch. It’s as if there is this intra-racism between women that is like this Loch Ness Monster of the work place. Needless to say, hopscotching around Sybil turns into one more obstacle to deal with in an already busy work day.
Then last, but not least, the manipulation and passive aggressiveness with which women think they are so covert--like they’re James Bond with these verbal gadgets of intricate design. You know the routine, instead of just saying what she would like, you’ll find your manipulative Mary of the office posing a heartbreaking situation as to why you should do what she wants, or she poses how she is helping you out by you doing what she wants. You fall for it a few times, because you were raised to be loving and giving, and do unto others as you’d wish done unto you…then you start noticing this pattern with her, and see a glee when she gets what she wants. You watch as she walks away with these devious eyes that look like she just negotiated this million dollar deal when all she did was get you to work a crappier shift than the shift she was taking from you. You get angry at first, because you think she is just plain selfish, but than you start to wonder if she is actually psychologically imbalanced when it happens day in and day out. Your manipulative Mary may just be a sad case of someone who has such low self-esteem that she thinks she can’t just ask for a favor. She is trapped by her own hate of self, and tries to relive her childhood psychological ailments even now when she is 25, 30, 50, or whatever the age. This scenario is one that you almost can’t even address without a grief counselor on standby. So you just play that one by ear.
What about passive aggressive Patty? Well, she’s got similar style to manipulative Mary, but Patty prefers wearing leather and lace underneath, and make no mistake, this James Bond is out to kill for her country. Passive aggressive Patty might approach you the same way as manipulative Mary, but instead of breaking down if she doesn’t get what she wants, Patty has other ways to make you pay for not helping her. You will find Patty can become quite stubborn around you, and may just get resentful, which then leads her to being a little vindictive vixen. She spins her disappointment from inner self-hate, as manipulative Mary would do, into an outward blaming of whoever didn’t do her justice. It can get messy getting through your work day when one is spinning so much venom against you for something you may not have even known you did wrong. Your 9 to 5 job somehow turned into Survivor, but without a million dollar prize, and all you can hopefully “win” is your back without a knife in it. When dealing with passive aggressive Patty all you can really do is to stay the course; at some point she will find a new covert assignment will arise, sweeping both her and her aggression away from you.
I am sure I have missed a few scenarios, because let’s face it, for each woman there is a beautifully unique time bomb waiting to be unearthed. I am not excluding myself from this discussion either. I am actually frustrated with my own Achilles heel that comes about from time to time, and cripples my ability to function at an optimal capacity. It is painful to come to terms with being a woman on many days. However, some type of acknowledgement and responsibility needs to come about on a larger scale. I am not saying there should be a rigid, non-compassionate work place, but I am advocating women should step out of themselves from time to time, and take a good look at what they are about to put out there for others to bare during working hours; be more aware of who is a co-worker and who is an actual friend willing to support one’s problems on a long term basis; and understand that their behavior affects (infests) everyone around them. Simply, each woman needs to take responsibility for her inner workings and take charge—not the other way around, letting the inner workings work her over.
Originally published in In the Scene Magazine
